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In her podcast, Your Secret is Safe with Me...

Dr. Marie Murphy talks about infidelity and other challenging relationship situations from a non-judgmental perspective.  She shares practical tools and advice from her own coaching practice to help you make changes in your love life.  In addition, Marie discusses the social and historical context of romantic relationships to provide perspective on our taken-for-granted assumptions about how relationships are supposed to be.  

"You are helping me so much! You are a safe place in a world of shame and guilt.  Thank you for talking fearlessly about something that carries so many feelings.  Your words feel like a comforting hug.  The empowering encouragement you provide, with easily relatable language regarding intimate relationships is applicable to ALL relationships.  You hold the intersectionality and nuance delicately but look at it straight on, which increases my own comfort in trusting you to guide me.  Too often people don’t discuss the intersectionality and the ick it creates.  You encourage us to courageously move through scary or hard-to-understand moments."

– E

"I don't have enough words in my vocabulary to thank you for all of the wisdom you have shared through your podcast and articles. Your transmission of unconditional love has saved me countless times from repeating unhelpful patterns that would have gotten me stuck. With your help, I have learned how to quiet my mind from making rash decisions, feel better about myself, learn to work with my emotions, and generally to make peace with my situations. Thank you for being a light to this world."

– M.D.R.

"I am in a marriage where I am not seen or understood.  For several years I have had to shoulder much more responsibility than I had anticipated, which has been wearing on me emotionally and physically. I reached out to a friend for advice on a work matter and that small interaction spurred an attraction. This launched so many different feelings about who I am?, what am I going to do?, what am I doing? Am I doing something wrong? And then I found your podcast!  

In every episode, you make many non-judgmental strong points about where we are, what a relationship is, societal constructs, and suggestions or homework to think about. We are all in such different situations. And we are NORMAL. Our feelings are NORMAL.  

This has affected me so much that I have been sharing part of this understanding with my own girls. I don't want them to have to feel like they need to get married, or what a monogamous relationship should be, etc. I want them to decide what is right for themselves and to be open and honest with whomever they choose to be with. I want to make this change with them so they don't have to feel stuck with 2 life choices. We have even talked about how marriage is perceived internationally in some countries.

I truly am lucky to have found you when I needed you most. Things are certainly clearer for me although not resolved but I am getting there."

– I.A.

"I found your podcast about a month ago and my gosh you are such a breath of fresh air. I found you on Spotify and listen to you daily. You have no idea how much you have helped me mentally. I’m in a five-year love affair… it’s been a wild ride for sure. Your raw and vice and being forward with kindness and non-judgmental advice has helped me sleep at night. I truly thank you – you truly are a wonderful person and I’m extremely grateful for you."

– M.S.

Recent Episodes

191: Are You Just Having a Midlife Crisis?

Jun 06, 2024

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"I came across Dr. Murphy’s podcast a few years ago, after my infidelity was found out and I was on my own to pick up the pieces. Everything out there on infidelity said that I was selfish, vile, and unworthy of any respect or understanding. I found Dr. Murphy when I was desperate and alone. To put it simply – she saved me. Two years later, her podcast continues to bring my heart peace and love because, in a way, I was able to share my secret with her."

– M.H.

"I began an affair in 2021 after many years with a "good guy" who simply was emotionally absent. I rekindled an old flame and felt very alive again. However, due to the fact that I had children, albeit adult or nearly adult, I was very scared to make any permanent changes in my relationship status. 95% of the advice, podcasts, videos, and articles that I researched in trying to help myself told me was less than helpful and essentially left me feeling invalidated and stuck. The decisions that one makes at 20 (when the human brain is not even done developing) have consequences that level of development can't comprehend. I knew he had little ability to emotionally connect, but he was disciplined, straight-laced, and on his way to a career....all the things my last boyfriend who broke my heart was not. So....I married him.

Fast forward 25+ years and we were both professionals with a great family, perfect home...perfect everything on the outside. However, I was alone. I had to ask for sex, ask for texts, ask for time, ask for conversations. He was never mean to me, but dismissed my feelings as neediness. If I verbalized discontent, he maintained that all we needed was commitment. He also said that I needed to accept love the way he gave it rather than the way I wanted it.

So....out of desperation for connection, I reached out on social media to that old boyfriend who broke my heart. I knew he would be good for a hook-up. I just wanted to feel wanted again. We met and everything came flooding back. What I did not anticipate was he had changed and wanted me too. He was divorced and had no kids at home.

My emotions were 100% all over the place and confusion was the only constant feeling I had. I looked up infidelity on the internet and found information about Marie and her podcast. I loved the idea of someone that was willing to provide non-judgmental guidance to people in my situation. Infidelity is not inherently "good", but it is not the worst thing in the world and the people going through it are not necessarily horrible people with no care for the impact it may have on their SO or families. I was simply lonely, lost, and in need of guidance to first deal with my feelings and then make decisions as Marie states.

I learned through her podcast that I am normal, my feelings are real, and I matter. The number one thing I learned was that my thoughts create my feelings which lead to behaviors. I learned through listening to her nearly 200 episodes, that I am not alone, I am not a horrible human, but I am a human with needs, wants, desires, feelings, etc. that matter and that I do deserve to be happy in this one life that I get. 

While I do not advocate cheating on a partner, I do know that I tried to connect for years prior in many ways. I requested couples counseling, getaways, and date nights to no avail. That doesn't mean my decision to cheat was justified; it does mean it is understandable. Marie's advisement in the podcast helped me see my value and accepting that my decision to change course in my life did not make me a terrible person that was destined for a life of doom. Thinking strategically and intentionally in the service of a life that I wanted to create was the most helpful thing I gained. This is applicable to so many areas of life. I did divorce my spouse and in 2024 am in a committed and very fulfilling monogamous relationship with the guy who was my AP. 

Marie, thank you for being a "trusted, supportive friend" to people who would otherwise be societal outcasts if they shared their feelings publicly. Your work matters."

 E.H.

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"I stumbled across Marie Murphy's podcast recently when I was feeling really down about myself and my 'infidelity situation.' I was feeling like a terrible, bad person who didn't deserve anything good, ever again. Marie's podcast was a breath of fresh air and felt like a massive relief - it allowed me to look at myself in a different way - instead of 'bad' I can think of myself as 'human.' I listened to most of the episodes in just a few days and they left me empowered and more confident to make decisions to move forward, instead of being trapped in depression and self-loathing."

– B.C.

"Your show is fantastic and has been a great encouragement for me in the midst of societal disapproval. I imagine it is like being gay before it was ok to be gay, and having a show to listen to - the only place where content is non-judgmental. I imagine it would be like a breath of fresh air, which your show has been."

– C.O.