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  • Writer's pictureMarie Murphy

147: You Can’t Shame Yourself into Changing

Your Secret Is Safe With Me with Dr. Marie Murphy | Privately Grieving the End of an Affair

There is an idea floating around in the cultural fog that if you tell yourself you're doing something wrong or that doing a particular thing makes you a bad person, you'll be able to change. The reasoning goes that it's bad to be bad, and therefore shaming yourself in this way should be adequate motivation to change.

However, in practice, the simple truth is that you can't shame yourself into making sustainable positive changes. If you're applying this kind of logic to yourself in your infidelity situation with the hopes that it will help you make a decision or change your behavior, this episode is for you.

Tune in this week to discover why you can't shame yourself into changing. Dr. Marie Murphy is showing you how to get clear on the thoughts that have shaped your moral view of your infidelity, why your thoughts about you being a bad person because of your infidelity aren't objective truths, and how to start viewing your infidelity in a more helpful light instead.

If you’re ready to take this topic deeper in a confidential and compassionate environment, you can schedule an introductory coaching session with Dr. Marie Murphy by clicking here!

Dr. Marie Murphy is planning a Q&A episode to address your specific infidelity-related questions. You can send your questions to her and, if they’re appropriate, she will answer them on the podcast while keeping you anonymous. Submit your questions by clicking “contact” at the top of this page!


What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • Why you’re allowed to not like your behavior, but shaming yourself won’t help you change.

  • The thoughts that may be leading you to believe you’re a bad person for engaging in infidelity.

  • Why your thoughts about your infidelity are not objective truths.

  • How to get clear on how exactly you’re thinking about your participating in infidelity.

  • The impact of trying to use your negative thoughts about your infidelity against yourself.

  • How to make changes in your life that you truly feel good about.

Listen to the Full Episode:

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